John Calvi works with the dying -- helping them "have
a good ride -- smooth, with as little pain as possible -- both physical and
emotional." He also works with people suffering from trauma including refugees
who have been tortured and people dealing with childhood sexual abuse. He started
doing massage and has evolved into workshops, including workshops on burn-out.
Underlying this work is a wisdom based on his Quaker faith, a wisdom that has
a lot to do with finding one's calling in life. In talking to him, a whole series
of questions arose in my mind about the spiritual current of life and its relationship
to service: Is it possible that life is a series of one-act plays given to us
to learn and grow from? We are given opportunities to perform service not to
help others -- that is incidental -- but to engage with our own soul, our own
concept of who we are. For a similar reason, each of us keeps banging up against
certain private lessons, the things we each are supposed to learn but have trouble
with. The other subject John talked about that has been on my mind is the importance
of setting aside time for quiet and rest in the life of service and in the spiritual
life.
John gets the money he needs primarily from gifts. Sometimes the groups he addresses
pay him something, and sometimes money comes from friends and supporters. Recently
the Quaker Friends Meeting where he is a member in Putney, Vermont has also
provided some travel money. He seems to work on faith and live on faith.
For readers who are not familiar with Quakerism, I will give it a try. Quakers,
or Friends as they also call themselves, practice a mystical form of Christianity.
No sermons are given or hymns sung at a typical Sunday "meeting,"
instead Friends sit in silence, meditating together for about an hour. The principles,
or "testimonies," of the faith include non-violence or peace, community
service, simplicity of lifestyle and tolerance. Quakers were major participators
in the Underground Railroad during the time of slavery and do not serve in the
Armed Forces.
Part of the faith, although one seldom used, is the "Released Friend"
tradition which is essentially an endorsement or recommendation to other Friends
Meetings: This person has a gift, he or she is following their calling, their
spirit is genuine, they may be of help to you. The process of being released
is called "Clearness" during which a committee of Friends meet with
the person seeking Clearness and explore the basis of his or her "Leading."
John was Released by the Putney Meeting in July 1987.
John's Leading is as a healer with a gift for releasing pain, which he describes
this way: "The healer is not a person who has everything figured out, and
is without pain. The healer is the person who surrenders to their spirit and
who is still learning all of the lessons that he is teaching. Healers don't
do magic, they water seeds that are already there.
"The concept of service is often misunderstood. We tend to think in terms
of either the helpers or the wounded. We love neat, little categories. The reality
is that most of us are both. Everyone has their pain and everyone has their
hope. Helping reminds you what you know. It also, if you do this honestly, tells
you what you don't know, and what you are still learning. If you are going to
be deliberate and conscious about your learning, you are going to be shown things.
Your inventory and your knowledge, the library inside of you, will get bigger.
It is going to change you. It is supposed to change you. Its not just you helping
someone else, it is you knowing that you are going to be different when you
come out of it.
"We each have our own issues. For me, the major issue is trust and tenderness.
I have to keep working at it. I had a childhood that made these very difficult.
It has been a constant, ongoing lesson. A personal vigil for me. There are times
when it is easier than others, but it is always something that I have to do
deliberately. When I go into situations where there is horrible hurt going on,
it is my task to surrender to the spirit. To be tender. As I work with other
people's pain, I learn more and more how to deal with my own pain. I think that
is really what good works are for -- to reform our own interior -- to seek and
learn and change and come closer, if only for moments, to the Divine. The fact
that it will be of help to others in direct ways, is merely good design on the
part of the universe.
"If you can do your work, come back out and rest, and notice how you have
changed, and then go on back in to do the work and come out again -- over and
over and over -- you come to see that we are all in one big graduate school
of life...
"A crucial part of that process is rest. We, in this society, have cultural
traps that cause people to do inappropriate giving. It is very important to
maintain a set of disciplines. Every year I take a month when I am not helping
people. I lay down my work. The real challenge is to give your best for a long
time."
John believes too in the role that quiet plays in finding one's place. "Most
people know what they need to do, they just need enough peace and quiet to hear
it. You need quiet to hear the Divine message. I need a few hours alone everyday.
I am in prayer for part of that time, and often I do some physical work during
that quiet. I can't be surrounded by the noise of the world, by television,
radio or tape recordings. And particularly I can't be surrounded by people....Quiet
helps us find what we are passionate about. In that quiet, ask what it is you
should be doing. Service is spiritual work or, to some, service is better described
as work of reverence. First you have to uncover what it is that you have a reverence
for. What it is that you love. Evolve in that fashion. It may not be something
that seems like large work. It may not look like something that is grand or
very important, but if you can do a good thing, a small good thing on a regular
basis, and keep it going, it will shine a light. It will draw other light to
you. It will make you available, accessible to do other kinds of good work.
That is very important.
"As a mystical religion, Quakerism relies on spiritual experience rather
than on a long list of doctrine and a zillion rules. There is a sense that when
something is right, something is appropriate, we will feel it, we will know
it. The Way opens and you are allowed to know your life. The process involves
discovering somewhere deep in yourself, not in your brain, not in your mind,
but deep down in your soul the work you have to go out and do. You come to know
that it is work you have to do. You cannot stop yourself.
"On one level, this process is terrifying because you don't know where
it is going to lead. Part of you wonders how you are going to pay the rent,
part is wondering if you are endangering your physical body or your mental well-being.
And another part knows absolutely that this is the way to go.
"Things will happen that will make it easier. Get some quiet and say, "Show
me work that You would like me to be doing. What is the next part for me? I
would like to be of use. I would like to be of help to the common good. What
have you got in mind for me?" Pose that question, whether it be to Jesus,
or Buddha, or Mohammed or the spirits of the Grandmothers and Grandfathers that
have gone before or the power of Nature." If you follow that Leading you
will find, like the old saying, "heaven and earth will open up." That
is the nature of spiritual life. Anticipate help, expect it and rejoice in it.
But also know that it will not come the way you expect. There will be incredible
amount suspense. You will never want to read another mystery book as long as
you live. (laughs) This really is the nature of spiritual life -- learning to
open yourself up. The primary learning is about surrender.
"My experience is: in quiet the answer comes. It may not be in detail,
it may not be as specific or particular as you want. It will probably come in
a general kind of tone, and will probably be based on your gifts. It will have
something to do with the history of your life, with what you are good at, what
you know about. Don't pay too much attention to the external details. If you
are now teaching history to six graders, your skills and background could lead
to a whole host of work totally unrelated to teaching elementary school.
"Also know that Leadings change with the maturing ability to listen without
hearing one's own wishes. I started out doing Swedish massage on dying AIDs
patients. I thought that was my role. Then I was asked to work with women who
had been traumatized by sexual abuse, then refugees who had been tortured. Since
then I have worked with North American Indian groups, given burn-out workshops,
etc., etc."
I asked John about results -- about the necessity of progress, of feeling that
one is effecting change or seeing some improvement. "We definitely need
to see some result to stay out in the trenches. You have to see something changing.
You want to be looking for the changes in yourself, the changes in people you
are helping.
"On the other hand, you can't go out there hoping that after you give your
best, work until you hurt, that people will throw a parade for you, or confirm
your goodness. If you think that, you will get disappointed and give up. Its
not about slaying the monster either. You don't give it a kick and then go home
and have a beer. Most of this work has to do with gathering up all of your peace
and calm and sitting down next to the monster, without trying to kill it and
without being intimidated by it. And not losing your calm.
"I have my own struggles with maintaining peace and calm, and my own struggles
about trying not to be scared about money, but I think that is all part of the
spiritual work. I don't go hungry, but I have been doing this for a dozen years
and it is not uncommon for me to have a financial emergency in the course of
the year. I don't solicit donations from people who don't know my work, but
there are people who have been there for me when I really need it. The way you
raise money. I think, is to do something beautiful and then say, `Who will help
me?'
"Sometimes I relax into that confidence better than other times. I do believe
strongly that if you are doing the work that you are supposed to do, and you
shine that light as brightly as you can, you will attract not only work, not
only the help of other people, but also support. If you are doing beautiful
work, people will see it. If you do your best, people will be grateful for it,
and they will help you. Of course, our culture is set up against this, and it
won't be smooth. There is going to be an incredible amount of suspense and some
doing without. But if you are honest and careful about designing your life so
that you can give your message, and are honest about what you need, and understand
that your work will transform you, you are probably going to get what you need.
You may not get everything, you may not get it in the time frame that you desire,
but it is very important that you lead with your spiritual life first."
